Ian has certainly turned an undeniable corner, (and I want to shout it from the rooftops-here again, GOD IS BIGGER!!) So what's the big deal?? He never would do any school work with us, and has struggled with any instruction or help from me. (He would shut off if I told him something as simple as his shoes were on the wrong feet.)
He had no problem doing work at school for his teachers, but if they sent homework he wouldn't even put his pencil to the page for me. I just stopped asking him, and let go of unimportant things like shoes on the wrong feet. When I home-schooled Mae, Jovie always wants to join in but Ian never has voluntarily... until today!
He has had attachment disorder (*Children with attachment disorders have difficulty connecting to others and managing their own emotions. This results in a lack of trust and self-worth, a fear of getting close to anyone, anger, and a need to be in control. A child with an attachment disorder feels unsafe and alone.) He is hurting, that is clear, but it's so hard not to take all this personal when you are the one he is pushing away. He is back and forth on whether he likes me today, will talk to me, or even look at me. This has understandably been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. (And my stress has looked like an extra thirty pounds) His phrase was "I love you today" and it was fitting. Those days were great ones... But on the off days it broke my heart in two.
Ian has continually brought me to my knees, and I have begged God for the tools I need to parent him, and give him what he needs, AND overcome my pain. And my lesson I kept having to learn over and over again was, " for the battle is not yours but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15.
In January we celebrated two years home with Jovie and Ian. I was so saddened to see the daily struggles we were still facing with Ian and I was finally at the point that I broke down in front of the women in my Bible Study and shared with them my worries and burden for my son. Right then and there, I felt a beautiful release to share my hardship, and do you know their response? They got down on their knees right then and there WITH ME! Prayer is a powerful thing, and I do believe that God wants us to share with others our trials, so that when prayer is answered HIS GLORY is magnified. I only wish I had done it sooner!!
Yesterday Ian exclaimed "I love you mommy and I get to keep you forever!" Wow wow wow!! You don't even know the gravity of this one phrase! Just looking at him you know change is happening, his whole posture looks different, he is more assertive, being more funny and getting less and less upset by things. It's like he's been holding back this whole time and now we are finally seeing all of him. His heart is healing.
We knew that Ian needed to find a therapist to come alongside and help us. We found an amazing play therapist that has been working with Ian to overcome his many traumas (abandonment, adoption, multiple surgeries and painful medical issues).
I know there will be ups and downs, but we see a radical difference. Glory to GOD! He has redeemed what was broken. He called me to be Ian's mother and the battle is His. AND HE HAS ALREADY WON!!
I read the lyrics of this song today:
I’m holding you together
I’m holding you together
Like glue and like mortar, every seam, every corner
My love covers you…
I know you, even more than yourself, I know you
‘Cause I’m the One who placed all those dreams in your heart
So you could bring Me glory…
I know what it’s like when you’re hurting
This labor of love that you choose,
But long before you were a mother, I labored for you…
If you want to download this song it is here.
Praise the Lord is all I can say. He is a good good Father!!!! Yay for sweet Ian! You know I adore him!!!!!
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