one year... can it be?

It has been a whole year from this life changing day (and one week —thanks to my delay in posting this!). In one years time a great deal has happened and the journey has been filled with so many celebrations and a lot of hard things. Ian and Jovie are amazing children who have their own little opinions, personalities and a whole history before us that we don't even know about. It has been incredible getting to know these little people that I call my own. We have introduced them to so many new thing, celebrated family traditions, holidays, vacations, and had many firsts together.

This day a year ago Ian and Jovie were terrified, heartbroken and we were strangers. On this day, I don't just celebrate the day that we got our son and our daughter; this day that I had waited and dreamed of... I celebrate the distance we've come. I know that Ian and Jovie have lived more time away from us, than with us. We are bonded, we are whole-heartedly one family, and today Ian and Jovie know what family means. They have received a year of our unshakable, unbreakable, constant love. In a year, we have seen them transform. We have seen them come to trust and have confidence, learn to rely on us, and grow to have a deep attachment with each other, and a strong affection towards us. I'd like to say we've moved mountains in a year...

In March last year, I wrote about Mae's famiversary and the tradition we wanted to do for our children. We want to celebrate who they are and how they add to our family. Adoption is not WHO they are... and this day is not like a birthday, but is a milestone nonetheless. It is a day that is special and a day to look back on... much like Cody and mine's wedding anniversary.  But I want to be careful in our talk about adoption that it isn't an identifier for them. God created Cody and I to be together, but being beautifully and uniquely made by him is a separate thing. Mae, Ian and Jovie will have a story that is different from their classmates and friends, and when their friends meet their mom and dad for the first time they might be surprised we aren't Chinese too. I hope that these precious babies will understand the importance of WHO they are, the incredibly amazing children created by a loving father. We all have a story. We are his, all adopted by him.  And that maybe they aren't so different.

So, back to the tradition for their "famiversary" or "gotcha day"... back in March, I made a list for Mae, of characteristics of her personality. I wanted to do this because I believe so much of who we are as a child remains the same into adulthood. And won't it be neat to see how they stay the same, and what might change? This is the list for Ian and Jovie. It made me so incredibly happy just doing this exercise, and I encourage you do this for your children.

10 Characteristics of Jovie Ming

 

10 Characteristics of Ian You 

 We went out to eat authentic Chinese food (absolutely delicious!) and afterward we lit two lanterns to send off for Ian and Jovie.  A sky lantern is essentially a small hot air balloon made of paper with an opening at the bottom where a small fire is suspended. A long time ago the lanterns were used as signals during wars.  Now they are commonly used for Chinese festivals, for good luck and to send wishes skyward. I love doing this because it is bold and beautiful. As we watch the fire float away in the sky it is a magical. It will fly up to one mile high, and travel for miles in whatever direction the wind decides.  Watching it light up the night sky and float away is breath-taking. This time we made sure to emphasis we were sending it off and saying good-bye to the lantern. Mae was so upset last time that she didn't get it back agian.

And as the lanterns float away, I pray for their hearts... and will continue to. Almost every week we are stopped in the store by a stranger that tells me how lucky they are, and every time I respond with "we are the lucky ones". I don't think they will feel like they won the lottery, like people seem to think. At the moment they found this family their pasts weren't erased, one adoption decree didn't solve everything. Yes, they have a family (a quite good one, actually), they have parents that would fly to ends of the earth for them, and they live in America.

But the truth is, they will grow up without ever knowing their birth family, who they look like, and even their medical history. They are Chinese but have already forgotten their first language. Just a year ago they had a whole life without us: a routine, friendships, and people that were daily in their lives that we know very little about. They will undeniably have questions about who they are and why they were given up... and we will do everything in our power to help them find the answers, if that is what they want. I pray that the missing pieces would be filled with the Holy Spirit. That the one thing that they would cling to is that there was One with them from the moment they took their first breathe. One that created the fabric of who they are, that knows every hair on their head and can wipe every tear.

What a powerful thing that is for a mom to fully understand. Their hearts are precious, to me, and I know to God even more so. I can try to shield them from hurt, I can grow them up surrounded with love and acceptance, have discernment to know what to say to them, and teach them to guard their hearts... but in the end the most important thing I can possibly do is to introduce them to their Maker.

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The truth is adoption is a wonderful, but tragic thing. It is not without heartache... and I don't believe luck has anything at all to do with it. 

Hard things

My dear friends,

I'm sorry.

I'm an on-again-off-again blogger... consistency in any social media form is just not my strong suit. If I am posting to instagram, then the blog gets forgotten—or vice-versa.  I don't know what my deal is really... I promise I don't neglect any of my children this way.

BUT this time I have a good reason for not keeping up... we have had a really HARD time since Ian's surgery. In an emotional, life-sucking, punch to the gut kind of way.  A week after Ian's surgery we started noticing things that at first I questioned. "Am I being an overly worried mother, or is this something I should be concerned about?"

Do y'all do this too? I want to trust my gut but I needed a little confidence to call the doctor. So Monday morning I was on the phone... left a detailed message for surgical at CHOA. I kept my phone in my pocket all day, waiting. And waiting. No call on Monday. Tuesday I called back and the recording says "do not leave duplicate messages"... Yeah, fat chance. By now I'm in full momma bear mode and my message was pretty direct. I NEED A CALL BACK.

So I started scrolling through my directory of folks we'd dealt with at CHOA, I called our urologist and emailed a PA over there, begging for a direct line or better way to get our doctor.

I finally got our doctor late Tuesday afternoon. She was concerned that he was still in pain and had a fever but didn't seem as upset by what I was seeing... which was gruesome to say the least, and I will spare you the details.

Right after I got off the phone, our urologist returned my call from my early frantic attempt. Sweet man. He was concerned and asked for me to send him pictures of the surgical site. He said Ian definitely had an infection and that he hoped we got ahead of this in enough time to let oral antibiotics work (he said "staph infection" and "we would need to go to the hospital if this didn't work." I panicked.

Looooong story short, this has been extremely difficult. It seems this surgery was unsuccessful and he will need to have another surgery with a temporary colostomy (to give him time to heal). The biggest victory has been that I feel like Ian and I have grown leaps and bounds. It was my prayer request to bond closer and that unquestionably happened.

Ian has been in a lot of pain, but has been in such good spirits despite it all. My sweet little boy was smiling from the moment they wheeled him back to us in the hospital and throughout this all. This has not been easy for him. Sitting has been pure torment. My precious momma took Mae to and from school every day. And we've been cooped up for two weeks. BUT his infection is gone. AND he is feeling much better.

We canceled our Thanksgiving plans, so it's likely you will see us at the Cracker Barrel, but here's my deep breath and my letting go.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I can do hard things.



 

buzzzzzz

On Saturday I got my scissors and took Ian out the back deck and started chopping his hair.  I've cut his hair a couple of times now but I guess I've been getting lucky... because I know zilch about cutting hair, and well Saturday showed for it. I botched it up real good. (To my credit Ian was pitching a fit the whole time, refusing to stay still and all in all was a nightmare!)

If you look below at the fall festival pictures you will see the sad shape I left him in. Every time I saw him I would cringe and I kept saying to Cody that we need to buzz him to fix my mess. So the clippers came out and yet again, my night in shining armor came to the rescue. Oddly Ian didn't cry and braved the clippers wonderfully. AND my boy is super cute with short buzzed hair. I absolutely love it more than ever. Buzz from now on... looks like Cody can add one more thing to his list of many talents. (:

fall fun

We went to Mae's school fall festival on Saturday night and enjoyed free entertainment and dinner for all of us (burger, chips, drink and dessert x5) was only $10.00—gotta love that!

If you've been following the blog than you've seen these whimsy little wings before... well, now Ian has a pair of dragon wings to match with his sisters!What do you think of the boy version?  I think a dragon is pretty fitting.

These wings have been the best gift to the girls... they put their wings on and dance around the house daily. And I love the new fanciful masks their Nonna found for them too. 

pillow fight!!

hello sea & sand...

 

Our family took a little adventure to the beach... this was the first time for Ian and Jovie. We got to give them the experience of seeing the wide open skies, hearing waves crashing and feeling sand between their toes. It really humbles me each and every time I get to experience a FIRST with them.

 

Although Jovie is normally our fearless Tiger baby, we realized pretty quickly that the waves intimidated her. 

She wanted to be f-a-r from their reach... 

but Ian, on the other hand, had no reservations of the growing tide.  

There were so many times we thought a wave was about to knock him out

but he always escaped at the last moment. 

Mae was very busy running back and forth, 

and got right to work making mud pies and finding sea shells.

This first day at the beach was pure bliss, 

my three sweet babies were soaked and thoroughly coated with a thick layer of sand
and could not be happier! (: 

it's oh so good

Today we had Ian's neurology appointment to discuss the small tumor they found on Ian's spinal cord. I guess I didn't realize just how much I was holding my breathe about this... because after we walked out of the doctors office I felt a giant boulder of stress leave me. 

It turns out Ian's tumor is not large enough to worry about removing now (and maybe ever!!). The doctor is very hopefully that it wouldn't cause him any problems. It's not just the size that mattered, but also the location. Ian's spinal cord ends at L2 ( and not L1 like most people) but this is very minor... and we were told today that the majority of cases like Ian's end at L3 or L4, which does pose a problem. Have I lost you yet?  It's very GOOD news. No surgery to remove the tumor, just keeping an eye on it as he continues to grow to make sure that nothing changes. 

 

Ian will still have a surgery for his anal atresia sometime soon, so he's not out of the woods (we would love your continued prayers), but this surgery we've known all along would happen.

And have I mentioned we have ROCKSTAR doctors. Seriously. We are so blessed to have all these medical geniuses caring for our family. 

Marietta Streetfair + a little scooter fun

 People ask me from time to time what it's like going from one to three kids and in the beginning it was rough. We were all making the adjustment... Ian and Jovie were figuring out what family even was and who these crazies were that called themselves "mommy" and "daddy". Mae most certainly had to adjust to sharing her world and well I didn't even know how the heck I was going to even leave the house again. It has almost been 8 months now... and if you are wondering why you see a lot more blog posts it's because you are seeing us finally start to stir from the long hibernation.

I feel myself ... but with even more fun to be had. Truly life with this bunch is a wild adventure (and Cody got me a new camera to help fuel my creative drive and capture our crazy family.)

 Saturday was such a fun day, it feels like fall. I love it when the weather starts cooling off and spending the whole day outside just releases all the stress from the week. Open windows and doors will do a lot for your soul. (:

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After we got home we spent the rest of the evening in the driveway. I got a beer, and folding chair and Cody and I just sat back for some of the best entertainment.

 

Ian is a wild man on the scooter... we watched him get up to crazy speeds and whiz by us; always with the most serious face.  

 

I should have known that Cody would not be able to just sit and watch for long. His middle name is FUN. What would we do without him? 

 It was a perfect day. I remember back when I swore I never wanted kids... yeah, I said that adamantly. I loved being a graphic designer, loved my husband and didn't think there could be anything better. We dreamed of traveling, just the two of us, and talked about how we'd be in Greece while all our friends were home with their children.

Oh how very wrong I was, I wouldn't trade these days for anything in this world. Every day with these my children gives me more pleasure than anything I could have imagined. I'd take being able to sit right here in my driveway with these little ones over travels to Greece any day... God knew best.