Hard things

My dear friends,

I'm sorry.

I'm an on-again-off-again blogger... consistency in any social media form is just not my strong suit. If I am posting to instagram, then the blog gets forgotten—or vice-versa.  I don't know what my deal is really... I promise I don't neglect any of my children this way.

BUT this time I have a good reason for not keeping up... we have had a really HARD time since Ian's surgery. In an emotional, life-sucking, punch to the gut kind of way.  A week after Ian's surgery we started noticing things that at first I questioned. "Am I being an overly worried mother, or is this something I should be concerned about?"

Do y'all do this too? I want to trust my gut but I needed a little confidence to call the doctor. So Monday morning I was on the phone... left a detailed message for surgical at CHOA. I kept my phone in my pocket all day, waiting. And waiting. No call on Monday. Tuesday I called back and the recording says "do not leave duplicate messages"... Yeah, fat chance. By now I'm in full momma bear mode and my message was pretty direct. I NEED A CALL BACK.

So I started scrolling through my directory of folks we'd dealt with at CHOA, I called our urologist and emailed a PA over there, begging for a direct line or better way to get our doctor.

I finally got our doctor late Tuesday afternoon. She was concerned that he was still in pain and had a fever but didn't seem as upset by what I was seeing... which was gruesome to say the least, and I will spare you the details.

Right after I got off the phone, our urologist returned my call from my early frantic attempt. Sweet man. He was concerned and asked for me to send him pictures of the surgical site. He said Ian definitely had an infection and that he hoped we got ahead of this in enough time to let oral antibiotics work (he said "staph infection" and "we would need to go to the hospital if this didn't work." I panicked.

Looooong story short, this has been extremely difficult. It seems this surgery was unsuccessful and he will need to have another surgery with a temporary colostomy (to give him time to heal). The biggest victory has been that I feel like Ian and I have grown leaps and bounds. It was my prayer request to bond closer and that unquestionably happened.

Ian has been in a lot of pain, but has been in such good spirits despite it all. My sweet little boy was smiling from the moment they wheeled him back to us in the hospital and throughout this all. This has not been easy for him. Sitting has been pure torment. My precious momma took Mae to and from school every day. And we've been cooped up for two weeks. BUT his infection is gone. AND he is feeling much better.

We canceled our Thanksgiving plans, so it's likely you will see us at the Cracker Barrel, but here's my deep breath and my letting go.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I can do hard things.



 

buzzzzzz

On Saturday I got my scissors and took Ian out the back deck and started chopping his hair.  I've cut his hair a couple of times now but I guess I've been getting lucky... because I know zilch about cutting hair, and well Saturday showed for it. I botched it up real good. (To my credit Ian was pitching a fit the whole time, refusing to stay still and all in all was a nightmare!)

If you look below at the fall festival pictures you will see the sad shape I left him in. Every time I saw him I would cringe and I kept saying to Cody that we need to buzz him to fix my mess. So the clippers came out and yet again, my night in shining armor came to the rescue. Oddly Ian didn't cry and braved the clippers wonderfully. AND my boy is super cute with short buzzed hair. I absolutely love it more than ever. Buzz from now on... looks like Cody can add one more thing to his list of many talents. (:

it's oh so good

Today we had Ian's neurology appointment to discuss the small tumor they found on Ian's spinal cord. I guess I didn't realize just how much I was holding my breathe about this... because after we walked out of the doctors office I felt a giant boulder of stress leave me. 

It turns out Ian's tumor is not large enough to worry about removing now (and maybe ever!!). The doctor is very hopefully that it wouldn't cause him any problems. It's not just the size that mattered, but also the location. Ian's spinal cord ends at L2 ( and not L1 like most people) but this is very minor... and we were told today that the majority of cases like Ian's end at L3 or L4, which does pose a problem. Have I lost you yet?  It's very GOOD news. No surgery to remove the tumor, just keeping an eye on it as he continues to grow to make sure that nothing changes. 

 

Ian will still have a surgery for his anal atresia sometime soon, so he's not out of the woods (we would love your continued prayers), but this surgery we've known all along would happen.

And have I mentioned we have ROCKSTAR doctors. Seriously. We are so blessed to have all these medical geniuses caring for our family. 

little climber

Don't you think it's time for this boy to get a big boy bed? 

Ian can climb into his bed... thankful he has never tried climbing out.

There are some decisions we have made on behalf of our children that we probably would not have made had we been with them from the start. Such as a crib for a three year old... we decided that we would start Ian in a crib because we believed he was in one in the orphanage and wanted him to have a bed he was comfortable in. Also, we have a rule that our kids stay in bed at night and didn't want him getting out right from the start and not understanding English well enough to know what we wanted from him.

We gave Mae and Jovie bottles even though they were 20 months and 2 years old... but that is what they were used to. I still have Chinese formula in my pantry for Jovie (she wasn't interested in formula after we got home with 3 big containers we packed from China). I especially remember giving Mae a bottle every evening... it was a precious bonding time.

These babies grow so fast.

So yeah, I think Ian is ready to have a big bed... hopefully soon.

Ian's Birthday

So somehow a week and a half has passed and I still haven't gotten Ian's birthday pictures blogged. Bad mom! I think we had been so crazy and that maybe the adrenaline has worn off now that surgery is behind us... And maybe I'm not fully coming to grips that my son is no longer 2, and it happened so quickly. I don't get to see their baby sides for very long. 

I will finally share our glorious day we got to celebrate Ian! He woke up to all of us singing to him and then got out of bed and tore through his doorway of balloons and was singing "happy birthday to you" and pretty much never stopped singing it for the rest of the day. (: 

We decided on taking the family to the zoo to celebrate. 

Mae, Ian and Jovie got the awesome experience of feeding the giraffes! We all were so thrilled!!

Ian LOVES pandas and so it was so neat to be able to show him a REAL panda bear. He was more than a little happy about seeing them. Blessed my heart so much! 

Leaving the panda area there is a gift shop that only sells pandas and I took him there to pick out a stuffed animal... It was hilarious to see him grinning and kissing every panda in the shop. We made it out with one very special one that he now sleeps with every night. We picked out a small tiger for our Tiger Baby and a baby elephant for Mae too. 

We left the zoo extremely happy and blessed to have had such a perfect time.

We continued celebrating at our house that evening. Ian got his first ever cupcakes, candles and presents! This is the first year that he gets to learn what birthdays are... He was truly impacted and has continued with excitement everyday since with singing the birthday song, carrying around his birthday card and even sleeping with it. It is both happy and sad for me to know we've already missed so much but we will have forever to make up for it! 

He was a pro with the candles, let me tell ya! 

Isn't he delicious?!

He would have been completely thrilled without ever knowing about birthday gifts... We showed him how to tear off the paper and he shouted everytime. He knows how to make ya melt.  

I so love this 3 year old kid. But under no circumstance is he allowed to turn 4!! 

In a box

Ah thank you, we got emails and comments from y'all with all kinds of suggetions for the car sickness. I did them ALL! I went to CVS and bought the sea bands for Ian, I put my iPad on the back of the seat so they would look forward, I fed them an hour earlier, turned the vent toward them and kept the car cool, I gave them a small dosage of Benadryl and I took a longer way to school to avoid a curvy route. Whew! And it proved to work, no puke to or from school... and Ian wasn't so upset either! 

I don't know which one of the many tips worked for us, but I am a happy momma if this continues to help them!! Thank you to all who shared your tips! Ian and Jovie thank you too!

So while Mae was in school I took Ian and Jovie to the grocery store to stock up on essentials - we are supposed to get a bad wintery storm here! And when we got home I made us all lunch and sat at the table between them. 

Ian and Jovie were having a little conversation among themselves and as it continued I found myself saying, "hey guys, what are y'all talking about?" I sat there quietly realizing I'm the third wheel here! Jovie and Ian are talking and laughing and I have NO idea what they are going on about! Bet that's never happened to you before! 

 I am glad they have each other. (: 

I want to give my thanks to Amazon for providing my kids with priceless entertainment. A very large box was delivered today, I guess I've found the perk to having 2 in different size diapers.  

They all wanted in and loved it! Every kid loves boxes, right? My 3 were enthralled and I realized the treasure I had too! Look all 3 are being contained and don't even know it (; So I made it my goal to see how long I could make this last... 

For a long time the box itself was fun. They'd all sit down and then all stand up over and over. I think they love being together. 

Next, I gave them crayons to color the box. The little ones liked the sound it made to color over the corrugated cardboard. They were trying to make it sound as loud as they could. 

When crayons were old I fed them snacks.

I got a full hour of *free* box babysitting! I actually got to CLEAN my house up for the first time in ages. Anyone got any other ideas for next time? 

We're leaving next week!!!

Today we got word back from CCAI that we got our Consulate appt on the 28th!!! Which means we will have our GOTCHA DAY ON THE 20th!!!! I'm soaring with joy and counting the minutes until we have our family together!! We will need to leave for China next week! We are booking our tickets today! Yahooooo!!! It's still unbelievable!! This is happening!!!!! 

Ian's beginning

Last week I was told about a Chinese blog from someone in Pingdingshan. I went to the blog and there are hundreds of pages of children abandoned... several posts in a day with different babies, all with special needs.  The site is in Chinese, so I used google translator and started going through it, hoping to find our son here. I found the post in April 26, 2011 when our son's estimated birthday is and just a few days later there were these pictures of him.  I knew it was Ian before I saw his name there, "Zhou TianYou"... and I bawled. The description written about him was alarming.  He was in critical condition and the hospital that they took him to could not preform the surgery he needed.  It went into more details than we were given in his file and I would not have known how sick he was... I would not have known the woman who saved his life.

I have since learned a little more about the author of this blog and why she had our son's picture posted. She is a nurse at the hospital in Pingdingshan and she specifically takes in the children that need urgent care but  are orphaned. These children are in need of life-saving surgery but there is no one to pay the bill.  This nurse is named Ms. Zhu, and she is a believer. I am crying now even writing this. God is using this woman to save the life of countless children, God's children. She is answering His calling at a great risk too.  It is not easy in China for a woman in this situation and she is going through difficult days as her husband just left her and her daughter. She has several sisters who help her in the work (they have been known as the 3 sisters). Ms. Zhu posts about these children to share with the Chinese community in order to raise funds to help these children, my son. She also works in remote villages and helps other Chinese Christians who help orphans.

So I have another piece of the puzzle to Ian's life—3 precious pictures of him as a newborn, and a person to continually keep in my prayers, Ms. Zhu.  You better believe I will be looking for her in heaven!! I am so grateful to have found this, but the weight of it about crushes me if I think about it too long. It is so difficult not knowing our children's past, not having any pictures, not knowing anything about their history, the people that loved them, the people they came from, and it is especially hard not knowing their present. I desperately want to know what Ian and Jovie are doing right now... and are they okay? It is tremendously difficult not being in our children's lives right now and missing this time. God has once again shown us HIS faithfulness in being there when we can not.

Ian was born just two week after we left China with Mae. We were home celebrating our first Easter when he was born.  At the time, I didn't even know of our son... but God has known all along, and I trust in His plan.

I just have to say, look at our baby boy's lips... those are the same lips I can't wait to kiss.