Hard things

My dear friends,

I'm sorry.

I'm an on-again-off-again blogger... consistency in any social media form is just not my strong suit. If I am posting to instagram, then the blog gets forgotten—or vice-versa.  I don't know what my deal is really... I promise I don't neglect any of my children this way.

BUT this time I have a good reason for not keeping up... we have had a really HARD time since Ian's surgery. In an emotional, life-sucking, punch to the gut kind of way.  A week after Ian's surgery we started noticing things that at first I questioned. "Am I being an overly worried mother, or is this something I should be concerned about?"

Do y'all do this too? I want to trust my gut but I needed a little confidence to call the doctor. So Monday morning I was on the phone... left a detailed message for surgical at CHOA. I kept my phone in my pocket all day, waiting. And waiting. No call on Monday. Tuesday I called back and the recording says "do not leave duplicate messages"... Yeah, fat chance. By now I'm in full momma bear mode and my message was pretty direct. I NEED A CALL BACK.

So I started scrolling through my directory of folks we'd dealt with at CHOA, I called our urologist and emailed a PA over there, begging for a direct line or better way to get our doctor.

I finally got our doctor late Tuesday afternoon. She was concerned that he was still in pain and had a fever but didn't seem as upset by what I was seeing... which was gruesome to say the least, and I will spare you the details.

Right after I got off the phone, our urologist returned my call from my early frantic attempt. Sweet man. He was concerned and asked for me to send him pictures of the surgical site. He said Ian definitely had an infection and that he hoped we got ahead of this in enough time to let oral antibiotics work (he said "staph infection" and "we would need to go to the hospital if this didn't work." I panicked.

Looooong story short, this has been extremely difficult. It seems this surgery was unsuccessful and he will need to have another surgery with a temporary colostomy (to give him time to heal). The biggest victory has been that I feel like Ian and I have grown leaps and bounds. It was my prayer request to bond closer and that unquestionably happened.

Ian has been in a lot of pain, but has been in such good spirits despite it all. My sweet little boy was smiling from the moment they wheeled him back to us in the hospital and throughout this all. This has not been easy for him. Sitting has been pure torment. My precious momma took Mae to and from school every day. And we've been cooped up for two weeks. BUT his infection is gone. AND he is feeling much better.

We canceled our Thanksgiving plans, so it's likely you will see us at the Cracker Barrel, but here's my deep breath and my letting go.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I can do hard things.



 

Surgery Tomorrow

Today we spent the day at the hospital getting ready for Jovie's surgery tomorrow.  This is more overwhelming than anything I've ever done. It was just an incredibly hard day. We met with nurses and doctors one after another describing in detail the surgical proceedure, every risk involved and all to expect when we see Jovie in ICU tomorrow after it's all done. I tried my best to hold it together in front of the doctors but all I really wanted was a sound proof room to go and scream and cry and get out this crazy feeling I'm having as the time ticks closer. See I know this surgery is not only necessary for her LIFE, but we will get an active little girl... A PINK little girl very soon. 

We have to be at Egleston at 6am in the morning and they will take her back to the operating room at 7:30. We heard different times for her surgery. We were told the surgeon will take 5-6 hours and we were told to expect 9-10 hours that she will be away from us. Whatever the amount is, we know it is not a small surgery and however long it takes doesn't matter as much as what they find as they operate on her and that everything goes smoothly. 

We heard today that the piece they are putting in to act as her pulmonary artery will need to be replaced by open heart surgery in 3-5 years from now. There are also many more times that she will have to do additional work on her heart through her main artery (catheter).  I know that I need to focus on tomorrow but I also know God needs to make me strong from this. There's more hard times ahead. 

My dear friend just sent this to me tonight. 

I  know God can do exceedingly and abundantly more than I can even think or ask. I am praying we will receive an unleashing of God's peace through this. Not little drops of his strength or a trickle, a powerful explosion of release as if a dam has burst to release a river of his peacefulness. 

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.