When the idea of adopting was brand new to us, Cody and I didn't know much at all what we were doing or thinking in terms of a plan. We narrowed it down to China... pretty quickly and without a whole lot of information. I can just say that I believe we were lead by God to this country to find our children. With some time and help from incredible people along the way we learned about China's "waiting child program" which is adopting a child with some form of a medical need.
Honestly, it did take some time to become comfortable with this idea. We live in a society that's initial question to someone who's just had a baby is "is it healthy?"
That is now a little pet peeve of mine... but I know that's something I would have thought before.
There are a LOT of misconceptions about orphaned children from China, the most common one being that in China they only want to have a "boy" and they want him to be "perfect." So not true. We have people look puzzled at Ian and say, "I didn't think you could adopt a boy from China."
There are so many boys that need a family.
The families who "give" their children up for adoption are thinking in terms of
survival.
Here in the States the word "survival" doesn't really resonate with too many of us. In most cases families in China cannot afford the treatment for their
children, or possibly cannot afford the fee to have a baby
(out of wedlock mothers
have a fee of $30,000 USD). They are trapped and desperate, and given a choice I believe they would choose differently. This was never something they planned. I can not even begin to understanding the amount of heart-wrenching sorrow and loss the parents feel. My heart mourns for these mothers—the mothers of
my children.
China's health care is not like ours is here; all medical care is paid for up front. Babies there don't get prenatal care. A mother here would most likely know if her child had a medical problem even before he/she was born. In China most babies are not born in a hospital. And if your precious child is born with a heart condition
(or other medical need) the parents have to pay upfront for their child to be seen by a doctor and for any surgeries that need to be done. For these families that is simply impossible; they just do not make enough money. We talked with our guide a lot while we were in China and she did her best to explain it to us. It all boiled down to
survival... a household in China is almost always Grandparents and Children, all relying on the income of the children. Our guide explained how most people live in fear of getting sick and wiping out all of the money that the whole family is depending on.
So out of desperation families do the hardest thing imaginable, and give their child up, in hopes that their child will be able to get medical treatment through the orphanage or a family that adopts them. I can not even begin to imagine the DEVASTATION involved to make this decision; choose hope, choose responsibility, but lose your child in order to get them the care they need.
So all that to say, I get a little emotional realizing what it means to get our children medical help.
Looking at Ian you would never know he had anything medically different. Ian was born with anal atresia and esophageal fistula.
Yesterday we sat in a hospital room with Ian while he got ready to have some more tests done. This is the second set of tests under anesthesia we have had done in a little under a month's time. We are getting answers. If you've followed the blog you know that Jovie had a severe heart defect and she had her corrective surgery in April.
(Besides a few scars you would never know she had a heart defect now!) And now Ian will need to have one or more surgeries in the following months.
Our prayer is that this surgery is successful at giving Ian the ability to have continence
(basically there aren't muscles there to hold his poop in... I know it's not the most pleasant thing we are talking about, but hey, everyone poops! I want you to understand exactly what this means for him. Right now he is 3 1/2 and in diapers, no big deal, but as he gets older this gets increasingly more rough for him. Socially this is important.) The doctors don't know if they can improve his situation but are sure going to try... the plan is to move some of his muscles around and improving his chances to being able to hold "it" in. We believe in the power of prayer and we do ask for your prayer that Ian would have this surgery and it would give him the full control and the ability to keep from a lifetime of bowel management.
During all these tests they have found other small abnormalities; the most concerning find is a fatty tumor on Ian's spine. It could be
nothing to worry about... and I tell myself not to worry until we know more. We have been referred to a neurologist to see if he will need surgery to remove it.
There is a lot going on here... we are finding answers and that does make it easier. Will you pray with us for Ian, please?
