50 days with Ian & Jovie

Well, I started writing this post at 50 days ... Now it's been 52. Ha! That pretty much sums it up! The moments to think are rare and at the end of the day it's just hard to stay awake. A shower and makeup are a luxury I never thought I'd go without, but as we figure this out, life is getting more balanced! My family has needed me to be fully present. This season I've needed to be unplugged from the world outside our little home, in order to create a cosy world where our children can find safety. There are so many times it's felt lonely but I think all new moms have felt that way. Am i right? I know this is a season, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! There was a time when my priorities (me) got in the way of the greatest joy I've ever known, putting my wants and needs aside for some one else.  I can't tell you how many times Cody and I have looked at each other and said "can you believe we have three kids!?" Still unreal.

Not very long at all ago I was waiting to know our children... And here they are in the flesh! I wish everyone could see the transformation that happens here daily. We have had a million tiny wins... And it's simply amazing to get to witness.

I've been watching relationships form between these three... as they've learned to love each other. Mae had such a hard time with these two very needy toddlers coming in and taking away her perfect peaceful world as she knew it. When we got home it was hugely difficult for her, but you should see how sweetly she plays with them now. It makes me the happiest momma on the planet to see all three of my loves playing together. Other mommas you know exactly what I mean! Bliss.

Ian is completely good with me now. And let me tell you, he is one sweet boy. One of his favorite words is, "snuggle" and at bed time he loves when it's just us. Last night I was holding him and singing and after I was done he sang to me in Chinese. We were cheek to cheek and he was sweetly singing to me. He loves me. He has really changed from doing everything himself, to asking for my help. He is learning he can trust us and it's amazing to see him let his walls down.

Maybe the biggest change of all is seeing how Ian and Jovie have come so quickly to understanding English. Ian was a little slower to understanding what we were telling him, but now he is  saying so many things. He shocks me through out the day as I hear him saying little phrases; like today, Mae tripped and fell and Ian said, "you okay?". These kids are so smart. Their brains have had to process so much at once and it's simply amazing to watch how they've figured it all out. 

Understanding what I'm saying to them has been huge, as you can imagine. Just try to picture yourself in a world that nothing made sense and you didn't understand what was going on, what was happening next, what you were being told and what the rules were. It's exhausting! 

No more car sickness!! I've stopped putting the bibs on them in the car and finally Ian is relaxed and not stressed to ride. I think they are completely over it now! Thank The Lord!!

Where every area has gotten tremendously better, one thing has remained: Poor Ian is still terrified of so many things... the vacuum, the hair dryer, leaf blower, blender, airplane flying overhead, loud motorcycle, and space heaters, just to name a few. (And because he is so frightened of these things, Jovie looks at him and feels she should be scared too.) And instead of getting better, it's getting worse. I feel like Ian lives in fear that mom might plug something in or we might go somewhere new and he doesn't know what to expect. It's stressful for everyone and we started looking for answers for our little boy. It's just not how we want him to live! 

We called our agency and discussed his fears with a post adoption theripist and she recommended occupational therapy and a early childhood trauma specialist. We think that Ian's fears are because of the lack of explosure. As a friend who adopted put it, "it's like disneyworld everyday to them". 

We went this Wednesday to have Ian evaluated and it was so great to hear a professional explain what is going on in Ian's head. He has a sensory processing disorder and low frequency noises that we might tune out, overwhelm him. We will start going to therapy every week so they can help re-teach his brain that the sounds he hears aren't bad and teach him how to be relaxed and calm. 

So the coolest part of our OT was: as Ian was playing she was telling me what his body language was saying, and she said he finds comfort in having Jovie next to him. He was watching her be okay with things and so he was relaxing. I teared up right there because I remember back when Cody and I were in the parking lot, leaving our church and Cody looked at me and said, "I think God has called us to bring home two children". And at the time it seemed overwhelming but we see so clearly that God has had a great plan in place. Adopting two at a time has certainly been more challenging but I see how they have each other and how perfect it all is. God's always had a plan to make these children born of different parents to be life-long sisters and brother.  Jovie's spunk was designed by God.  (: God has written their stories and that's proof that God has all the rest worked out too. Why then is it so hard to put all of our faith in Him? God made Jovie's heart too... I need to trust Him.