50 days with Ian & Jovie

Well, I started writing this post at 50 days ... Now it's been 52. Ha! That pretty much sums it up! The moments to think are rare and at the end of the day it's just hard to stay awake. A shower and makeup are a luxury I never thought I'd go without, but as we figure this out, life is getting more balanced! My family has needed me to be fully present. This season I've needed to be unplugged from the world outside our little home, in order to create a cosy world where our children can find safety. There are so many times it's felt lonely but I think all new moms have felt that way. Am i right? I know this is a season, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! There was a time when my priorities (me) got in the way of the greatest joy I've ever known, putting my wants and needs aside for some one else.  I can't tell you how many times Cody and I have looked at each other and said "can you believe we have three kids!?" Still unreal.

Not very long at all ago I was waiting to know our children... And here they are in the flesh! I wish everyone could see the transformation that happens here daily. We have had a million tiny wins... And it's simply amazing to get to witness.

I've been watching relationships form between these three... as they've learned to love each other. Mae had such a hard time with these two very needy toddlers coming in and taking away her perfect peaceful world as she knew it. When we got home it was hugely difficult for her, but you should see how sweetly she plays with them now. It makes me the happiest momma on the planet to see all three of my loves playing together. Other mommas you know exactly what I mean! Bliss.

Ian is completely good with me now. And let me tell you, he is one sweet boy. One of his favorite words is, "snuggle" and at bed time he loves when it's just us. Last night I was holding him and singing and after I was done he sang to me in Chinese. We were cheek to cheek and he was sweetly singing to me. He loves me. He has really changed from doing everything himself, to asking for my help. He is learning he can trust us and it's amazing to see him let his walls down.

Maybe the biggest change of all is seeing how Ian and Jovie have come so quickly to understanding English. Ian was a little slower to understanding what we were telling him, but now he is  saying so many things. He shocks me through out the day as I hear him saying little phrases; like today, Mae tripped and fell and Ian said, "you okay?". These kids are so smart. Their brains have had to process so much at once and it's simply amazing to watch how they've figured it all out. 

Understanding what I'm saying to them has been huge, as you can imagine. Just try to picture yourself in a world that nothing made sense and you didn't understand what was going on, what was happening next, what you were being told and what the rules were. It's exhausting! 

No more car sickness!! I've stopped putting the bibs on them in the car and finally Ian is relaxed and not stressed to ride. I think they are completely over it now! Thank The Lord!!

Where every area has gotten tremendously better, one thing has remained: Poor Ian is still terrified of so many things... the vacuum, the hair dryer, leaf blower, blender, airplane flying overhead, loud motorcycle, and space heaters, just to name a few. (And because he is so frightened of these things, Jovie looks at him and feels she should be scared too.) And instead of getting better, it's getting worse. I feel like Ian lives in fear that mom might plug something in or we might go somewhere new and he doesn't know what to expect. It's stressful for everyone and we started looking for answers for our little boy. It's just not how we want him to live! 

We called our agency and discussed his fears with a post adoption theripist and she recommended occupational therapy and a early childhood trauma specialist. We think that Ian's fears are because of the lack of explosure. As a friend who adopted put it, "it's like disneyworld everyday to them". 

We went this Wednesday to have Ian evaluated and it was so great to hear a professional explain what is going on in Ian's head. He has a sensory processing disorder and low frequency noises that we might tune out, overwhelm him. We will start going to therapy every week so they can help re-teach his brain that the sounds he hears aren't bad and teach him how to be relaxed and calm. 

So the coolest part of our OT was: as Ian was playing she was telling me what his body language was saying, and she said he finds comfort in having Jovie next to him. He was watching her be okay with things and so he was relaxing. I teared up right there because I remember back when Cody and I were in the parking lot, leaving our church and Cody looked at me and said, "I think God has called us to bring home two children". And at the time it seemed overwhelming but we see so clearly that God has had a great plan in place. Adopting two at a time has certainly been more challenging but I see how they have each other and how perfect it all is. God's always had a plan to make these children born of different parents to be life-long sisters and brother.  Jovie's spunk was designed by God.  (: God has written their stories and that's proof that God has all the rest worked out too. Why then is it so hard to put all of our faith in Him? God made Jovie's heart too... I need to trust Him. 

In a box

Ah thank you, we got emails and comments from y'all with all kinds of suggetions for the car sickness. I did them ALL! I went to CVS and bought the sea bands for Ian, I put my iPad on the back of the seat so they would look forward, I fed them an hour earlier, turned the vent toward them and kept the car cool, I gave them a small dosage of Benadryl and I took a longer way to school to avoid a curvy route. Whew! And it proved to work, no puke to or from school... and Ian wasn't so upset either! 

I don't know which one of the many tips worked for us, but I am a happy momma if this continues to help them!! Thank you to all who shared your tips! Ian and Jovie thank you too!

So while Mae was in school I took Ian and Jovie to the grocery store to stock up on essentials - we are supposed to get a bad wintery storm here! And when we got home I made us all lunch and sat at the table between them. 

Ian and Jovie were having a little conversation among themselves and as it continued I found myself saying, "hey guys, what are y'all talking about?" I sat there quietly realizing I'm the third wheel here! Jovie and Ian are talking and laughing and I have NO idea what they are going on about! Bet that's never happened to you before! 

 I am glad they have each other. (: 

I want to give my thanks to Amazon for providing my kids with priceless entertainment. A very large box was delivered today, I guess I've found the perk to having 2 in different size diapers.  

They all wanted in and loved it! Every kid loves boxes, right? My 3 were enthralled and I realized the treasure I had too! Look all 3 are being contained and don't even know it (; So I made it my goal to see how long I could make this last... 

For a long time the box itself was fun. They'd all sit down and then all stand up over and over. I think they love being together. 

Next, I gave them crayons to color the box. The little ones liked the sound it made to color over the corrugated cardboard. They were trying to make it sound as loud as they could. 

When crayons were old I fed them snacks.

I got a full hour of *free* box babysitting! I actually got to CLEAN my house up for the first time in ages. Anyone got any other ideas for next time? 

Noah

Right now my dear friend Stacy and her husband Luke are on an airplane to China to adopt their son Noah!! Stacy and I went to high school together but lost touch until recently with our adoption of these children, God brought her back into my life. Our relationship has been such a blessing as we have waited for our children together. Through conversation we came to find out that Noah was in Mae's same orphanage, in the Lily Orphan Care Room.

If you want to follow their journey to Noah, here is her blog: http://hopefornoah.blogspot.com/

We are so excited for another China baby to be coming home!! 

Friday Free Day!!!

Today was our first day with nothing on the agenda... and it was a relief! Since these babies came to us on Monday they have had to be so off schedule, without naps, they are eating new foods, and add being sick to it and you'd think they'd be pretty upset.  

Breakfast is our favorite meal. Our hotel has an amazing selection and it's been good for us to be able try a whole bunch of things to find what Ian and Jovie like. Ian is much more picky and would prefer to eat just noodles but I also think he's really not very hungry since he's not feeling well. Jovie is liking most things and will eat and eat and eat and still not get enough.  I just know her body is having to work extra hard. Mae fed her yogurt this morning and it is precious to see how she is helping. 

So this morning we walked to a near by park. I took pictures all the way there.  I feel very sentimental about Zhengzhou and really hate the thought of leaving here tomorrow. This is the city of our girls' origin and we love it. Scooters and bikes ride along the sidewalk... bunches of them and they zip around you.  

Today was especially cold and foggy. (Cody got fussed at by a woman that Ian wasn't bundled up enough) You could hardly see the sun through the clouds.

This is the park near our hotel.

We got our first chance to skype with Uncle Jon and Aunt Mer!

It's crossed my mind quite a few times how I will make things work with three when it's just me! I hope Ian likes his momma before Cody has to go back to work. It will be very hard on Ian when he does. I told Ian yesterday that Momma's do a lot more than just give you candy. (I've been bribing him to like me!) I think he is warming up little by little but I also think its really hard when he sees me always with Jovie. 

My dad told me yesterday that we might not do anything again until the kids are fourteen. Life is certainly different going from 1 to 3. 

Ian took a long nap this afternoon so Cody stayed with him and the rest of us walked to the McDonalds. Mae was so excited about chicken nuggets! The McDonalds is about a 10 minute long walk but feels a little longer if you are holding a 33 lb Maebelle. (: I had the lightest child - I'm curious how much Jovie weighs, not much I can tell you that. 

 

       

The McDonalds is in a tall building and is three levels. You can order on the main level but there are three levels of tables. Everything seemed pretty much the same on the menu except the red bean pie. 

Mae is amazing with them both and is enjoying playing with them but is also really struggling with the lack of attention we can give her. She holds no resentment for the babies and is constantly saying how much she loves them. She is saying things like, "I want to sleep with mommy all by myself," or "I want my picture taken all by myself." She's doing the absolute best that we could expect from her.

zhengzhou orphanage

Yesterday we visited the zhougzhou civil welfare institute. This is where Mae was and we learned yesterday that Jovie was here a good bit too. When the orphanage director came with Jovie on gotcha day he saw Mae and immediately knew who she was and remembered how she would get high fevers. He had a ton of pictures of her on his phone and took more of her now. He told us he wanted to share these pictures with her foster mom. He did and she was so happy to see her so big now and doing so well. She said this is the first child that she's fostered that she's gotten to hear about since they left her care. Later he called our guide and asked if her foster mom could meet us at the orphanage. 

I was very torn, I wanted to meet the woman that cared for Mae but I was afraid it would scare Mae. She doesn't remember anything about her to our knowledge. We didn't want to make it a big deal with her but I thought she might try to pick her up and I was bracing myself to be momma bear if anything upset her. 

Sadly, but maybe fortunately the foster mom could not make it there and we did not get the opportunity to meet her. We believe Mae was with her in her home for 5 months before we got her. 

The orphanage has a whole new building than when we were there before- making it twice as big. The new part is decorated really cool with big trees in the foyer, bright colors and has tons of classrooms and activities. The old part is just concrete and sterile looking to me with a few painted pictures on the wall.

This woman was Jovie's preschool teacher and she loved Jovie and walked with us and told us about her.

We went to the old building and visited the Lily Orphan room where Mae was and learned that Jovie spent the first 7 months of her life here as well. Jovie's past has been unknown to us and we are sure glad to put the pieces together. How incredible that the same nannies took care of both of my girls!!! They all knew Ding Juan (Mae) and were happy we brought her to show them. We didn't tell Mae anything about why we were there and immediately she walked into the room and totally unphased said "this is where I lived when I was a baby". The only thing that had changed were the beds were pink and blue, instead of the wooden.

The next thing that happened I was NOT prepared for... I thought Jovie had been with Show Hope the whole time and honestly I wouldn't have even gone to orphanage if it wasn't for the other families already going. They took us outside and around the back of the orphanage and there were tall buildings full of apartments. They said Jovie has been living with a family here. I never pictured anything like this the whole time I dreamed of her. We walked into the home and were met by a woman who immediately started sobbing when she saw Jovie. She starting pulling her out of the carrier... There was no arguing with her! She held Jovie and cried and wouldn't make eye contact with me for a while.

She said she hadn't slept since they took her on Monday. The guide told her not to hold her for long time and so she gave her back to me. Jovie didn't cry while we were there she just looked scared.

Jovie has lived with her for last 3 months. It was great to meet her and thank her for loving her. She said she would sleep tonight knowing she was okay. We went to leave and her foster mom asked Jovie if she could hold her again and Jovie shook her head no (she still took her again) but I was so glad to see Jovie has bonded with me.

Here's all the families in our group that also have zhengzhou babies.

And here is the orphanage director that brought both Mae and Jovie to us on Gotcha Day.

Both of my girls want my lap... You can see here how Jovie doesn't like to share me. There's a little competition here.

Our boy sucks his thumb to fall asleep. And I'm so happy to say he did NOT sleep in his shoes last night!!! And Cody hid them so today when he dressed him he just put on different shoes that we had brought, and he hasn't asked for them back.

Gotcha Day

Our family of 3 about to turn 5, in front of the registration office. This is the same place we received Mae too! 

 We walked in and Ian was already there. I couldn't believe how cute he is... and oh so active! He was playing and very happy. He has one dimple and is so handsome.

 Jovie arrived shortly after that and she was very upset. She had gotten car sick on the way to us and threw up. She was completely soaked through all her many layers. Poor baby.

 We started undressing her and getting her cleaned up and Ian walked over with his cheerios and offered Jovie one. Sweet boy didn't even know that this was his Mei Mei.

 Ian's foster mom had brought him a pair of pajamas and she gave them to us to put Jovie in. What a blessing that was. Once she was cleaned up and in Ian's pjs she was quiet. She is very uneasy about everyone else but is very quiet.

 These 2 women with us are Ian's caretakers and they love our boy very much. Both of them were crying and tried to slip out the door but Ian saw them and ran after them and has been so upset since they left. He has not stop crying out for them. He is breaking my heart - he is so very sad.

 He fell asleep on the bus ride but back in the room he was back to crying out for his nanny.

 These pictures do not show how upset Ian is. He is crying out "my nanny didn't come back" and he points to his coat and wants it on and leads us to the door so we can go find his a yi. Please pray for Ian... he is having a really really hard time. He is almost three years old and has spent the whole time with his nanny. It is absolutely heartbreaking. He must be so exhausted from crying so many hours.

 They both ate congee and some bread and then they feel asleep.

Ian and Jovie asleep. This is a precious sight. 

So Ian is very attached to Cody and even though he is very much upset he still holds onto his finger and wants to be close to him. Through his grieving he is bonding with Cody. And Jovie Ming wants me to hold her and will not let me out of her sight. She has a weak little cry when I go to put her down but other than a couple of times she has been very quiet. She is so tiny and her little fingers and toes are purple.